Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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