chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
that is very illegal...i love you.
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