I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
