That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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