I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
