I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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