a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
