I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
