Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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