my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
