I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
