Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
