We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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