I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize