Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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