All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
