Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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