i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dicks are not precious.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
