this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
