ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
