im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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