haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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