i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Panties = found
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