He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
