I didn't shave. On purpose
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
