Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
