i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
