I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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