batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize