Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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