If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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