yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
