This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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