Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize