life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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