i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
