So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
