On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
