he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
