Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
