Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
