I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can I color on your dick again?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
