people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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