i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
