He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
