i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
