you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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