i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
