So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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