We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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