please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
