I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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