All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
