my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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