I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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