Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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