I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
