awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
