Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
