can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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