Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
