you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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