I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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