I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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