I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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