i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
