remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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