The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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