Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
