Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
