I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
