Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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