i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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